DEJA VU...?

Why Does It Feel The Same...?

I’m sitting in the library on this Wednesday… it’s about two o’clock, but the atmosphere is dark and the clouds are heavy. Exams start in less than a week so people are huddled in the library… The e-section is full and stuffy as the standing fans aren’t doing much to expel the heat. The library is lit up, but still feels a bit dark from the weather outside. I’m having trouble connecting to the internet as the network has been terrible for some days now. As I look around, I get an overwhelming sense of Deja Vu. Waves of nostalgia for my boarding days. I remember them clearly… Those lonely, bittersweet days in the last few months. When my stomach would turn at the thought of leaving and never coming back… I’d tear up at the thought of never seeing my friends and classmates again. My ears would ring and I’d feel really sick. I would wonder how a place and people could have this effect on me. How could the thought of leaving a place I was so fed up with make me nauseous? A place where I’d been wrecked with homesickness. Where my chest hurt with longing to leave. How could my stomach then hurt at the thought of finally leaving? …of finally saying good riddance? I never understood it. I’d sit with my friends choking back my tears. Studying for our next exam in the hall…Hot from the lack of light and poorly lit by the solar-powered bulbs. Our chatter and noise building until the matron has to shut it down… I’d sit in my classroom feeling suffocated by these thoughts. Then excuse myself and wander to the school outdoor stage, sit in solitude and take in the beauty of this place I’d no longer be a part of… I’d wonder how I missed all this beauty in my years there, how did I never appreciate it? … With the weather dark, the clouds heavy and the slight breeze outside a reprieve from the humid classes. Sometimes the soil damp with rain from earlier, the trees and leaves wet with dew. Just across the outdoor stage a field… and beyond that the good old fence. Red and orange bricks forever imprinted in my memory… and the sound of cars and vehicles travelling the road beyond that fence. I’d take in the grey clouds and enjoy the cool wind a moment longer before returning to class with a vague excuse for taking too long. Now as I sit here with my desktop looking over and watching the power go out and come back on again… watching people slump in their seats as their desktops go off mid-work for the 5th time…watching their huffs of frustration and sighs that are barely audible… an effort to not disturb the calm and quiet of the library. I watch them and look back to my own working desktop…unaffected by the power issues… I watch them and feel an unexpected urge to cry… Because it feels like Deja Vu… Of a different place and time, but of the same season… It feels like seeing and living beauty without realizing it. Without appreciating it.

Heyy…

So this one isn't fiction. I just got swept up in the nostalgia and the beauty that this season brings. I hope you enjoyed it✨✨

-Sage💕

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